How is it possible, you might ask? I would say it is quite easy, but I'd be lying. Yesterday they said they would come so I waited at home all day and no one showed. This morning I called again and was told they would come. After 15 days of waiting and running from pillar to post, and nearly being thrown out of places because I didn't register my name with the security guard, etc. etc., finally today three men showed up from the phone company and hooked up this blasted internet. I couldn't be happier! Now the possibility exists to talk with people at home for free. So please crank up your Skype programs.
Today I had a chat with Tamilarasi about the general habit here of "flaking," as we call it in the US. This custom often poses serious problems for the researcher. Folks will tell you that they are definitely coming to your house at 11 AM on Sunday, for example. You get really excited because you just might be making a friend and you are going to get to host someone. So you crank up the kerosene stove and with great difficulty make some coffee. Pretty soon 11am rolls around but you don't expect them to be on time. Then it's 12PM and they could still show up; one hour late is pretty standard. Then by about 1 PM you realize they are a total no show and you are left wondering, "What went wrong here?" When can you ever believe what people say here? VERY often folks say that they are going to do something when they have absolutely, positively no intention to or even *ability* to do so. (Recall, for example, the promise of a gas cylinder when it didn't exist; the repeated promise over the course of a month that the window and fan would be installed "tomorrow" when no money existed and hence, no possibility of installing said items; ETC. ETC.)
Something here isn't translating properly. I tried to glean some sort of information from Tamilarasi, like maybe there is some magic decoder for deciphering when people really intend to do something and when they do not. But all she told me was that people here are "used to it." So I think that people just flake on people all the time and it's acceptable. People here are generally just more patient than Americans, and furthermore Americans' expectations are way too high. For example, I got irritated when the internet people said they would come but didn't. My day went waste. I had wanted to go out but was unable. There isn't a housewife or househusband sitting at home waiting for people to show. But then I decided that I shouldn't expect anyone to show up when they say they will and that I should then be thrilled if/when they do. For example, this morning I didn't expect the fan to be put in because they flaked and didn't show yesterday when promised. But then, when they did show after I had been sweating buckets over my food for the past month, I was thrilled. Similarly with the internet guys. I had just resolved that my Rs. 1800 I paid for internet had been stolen and that no one was ever going to come and install the connection. This was liberating. But then today when they actually showed, I was ecstatic. And sitting here right now typing as I listen to BBC news doesn't hurt much either.
Basically I have resolved that there is really no secret code for knowing when people are serious and when they aren't. I really wish I could read people's minds, though. When they say they are definitely going to come and then never do, what is the thinking there? Did they just change their minds at the last minute or did they never have any intention of showing in the first place? I have finally started to pick up on when people are bald-faced lying, however. Like when an auto driver says he knows where something is but he has no clue. I've been honing my liar-detector skills in that department. But I still cannot figure out the flaking thing.
Other things that I have been tripping on lately are just how incredibly different cultures are from one place to the next. This sounds really obvious, but lately I've been thinking about the differences that aren't so transparent to us on first glance. Things which are entirely culturally conditioned but which we take for granted as unconscious habit. I'll give you some examples. How often have you crossed your legs without thinking? Folks here do not do this. You'll never see women in Madurai crossing their legs. Whistling. This one is a bit different because here there is actually a cultural proscription against whistling, but nevertheless, we often whistle songs when we are happy or just without thinking. People here don't do that. Do you ever roll your eyes when frustrated? You won't see that here. Someone told me once that this means you are dead, not frustrated. Want to say hello to someone at a distance? We wave. But I did this yesterday and Chellapandi did not understand what I meant. Furthermore, think about kissing and hugging. It might come as a surprise to Americans that these things are not universal. But they aren't. In lots of cultures people don't kiss at all, apparently. And I think that South Asia is a place where kissing is something of a foreign introduction, hence the proscription against it in movies. Formerly I had mistakenly taken this anti-kissing thing as a mark of a very puritanical culture. This isn't the right way to look at it. It's not that people don't kiss because they think it is dirty; it is just something that people don't do. It's an entirely culturally conditioned thing.
Those are just some of the things I've been thinking about lately. I'm going to go sit under my new fan now.
Before the ear-piercing cermony the children have their heads shaved. Then sandalwood paste is applied to the scalp. A professional photographer was on hand for pictures, but people were very insistent on my taking photos of everything, especially the goats/lunch.
Tamilarasi's youngest son and Chellapandi's son touching the goats, of which they were pretty proud. A goat goes for about Rs. 2000, or one month's salary for many people.
Goat doesn't want to take a bath.
They say if the goat shivers, then God accepts it as a sacrifice. Pouring cold water on the goat is a good way to get it to shiver. Once the goat shivered, people were happy and were saying "ummmm, nallaa kulichchaachu!" meaning "it's bathed nicely." After this photo the goats' heads were cut off. Fortunately I was spared this scene. Later on, I was the only one who wasn't eating any goat meat at the communal meal. One lady remarked, "She's not eating any goat!" and pretty soon it started to spread around the room like a game of telephone, "Did you hear? She said she doesn't want any goat meat!" I was sort of embarassed. Already I'm weird here, and here I am not eating any goat. Vegetarianism is pretty much for the Brahmins and stodgy upper castes here.
We only had to wait 6 hours in the heat for everyone from the village to show up. Pretty soon the trucks rolled in with everyone crammed in the flatbed like sardines. People came bearing all sorts of gifts like raw rice, paddy, salt, bananas, etc. The women carried these items on their heads. Once everyone arrived the ear piercing began. The children sit in the laps of the mother's brother, or maamaa. He is the individual who is financially responsible for the functions of his sister's children. Often this is merely a nominal position as others may step up to pay if he is unable and has a "prestige problem."
Once it was over Parthipan was pretty relieved. Both boys and girls get their ears pierced as it is a rite of passage. However, the boys have their earrings taken out 3 days later.
In the lap of the mother's brother's son. As a girl you might either marry your mother's younger brother, or more likely, your mother's brother's son. Marrying your father's brother's children is generally considered taboo here, however it does happen.
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