parrot astrology is expensive

Yesterday I was supposed to go out to a village and interview the local astrologer/priest/black magic practitioner. Sadly, his older sister died. Because of this he won't be doing horoscopes for sixteen days (during this time a family member of the deceased is thought to be impure). It just so happened that yesterday afternoon the kili josiyam (parrot astrology) man happened to be going through the neighborhood offering his services, so we called him in for a reading.

The cost for a reading is 5 rupees. He first did a reading for Tamilarasi, who wanted to know her husbands fortune. He asks the name, age, and star of the person and then starts to chant. The parrot then comes out of the cage and stars pulling cards out of a stack. Finally it settles on one particular card and hands it to the man. Her card was Mahalakshmi, a highly beneficent and lucky goddess.

When it came time for my fortune, I'll be damned if that parrot didn't pick the absolute worst cards in the pile. First it was "HOSPITAL" - a picture of people sick in beds with IVs in their arms and nurses roaming around frantically. He then threw the shells and six of them were pointing up. Analysis? I had crossed the path of a widow and she had cursed me. The next card was a COBRA. When my friends saw this, they gasped. Not a good sign. Cobras are holy but sometimes they are bad. In this case it was bad. But by this point my friends started to get suspicious that this astrology was fixed. I also got over my initial panic, so by the time that COURTROOM and POLICE STATION were drawn, I realized this guy was trying to pull one over on us.

I had to tell him my favorite god and I said Shiva. Then he said he would pick one card, Tamilarasi would pick one card for me, and the parrot would pick a card. If "God decided to show up and help me" one of the cards would be Shiva. If not, I am in big trouble and have to pay him 4000 rupees to save myself!!! And here is how people get cheated by the parrot astrologers.

Call me crazy, but I bet you 4000 rupees

that parrot wasn't going to pick any Shiva card for me.