lack of gold as a menace to society

Just when I thought that people were disapproving of my erstwhile lack of gold jewelry simply because it was aestheticially displeasing to eyes that have been trained to value bling above all else, I learn that my refusal to wear gold jewelry was actually a highly selfish act bound to throw all of society into chaos. Just as seeing a widow or barren woman is considered to be highly inauspicious (especially first thing in the morning), seeing a poor woman (Read: woman lacking in gold jewelry) is bad luck and has the potential to disrupt your life and spoil your prosperity.

A sumangali (married woman) is a highly auspicious sight, and her participation in functions and religious events is highly beneficial. Certain pujas which are performed for financial prosperity require the presence of a certain number of married women. The number one sign of a married woman in the thali, or marriage chain, which for most people here is simply a cotton cord smeared in turmeric (manjal kayiru). A woman who is not married does not have any manjal kayiru around her neck. If she has means, she will wear a gold chain in order to avoid going around with a bare neck which is considered not only pathetic but a highly inauspicious sight for others. This is particularly the case for widows who are of course the most inauspicious of all. It is the husband's very presence (signified by the thali) that affords the woman auspiciousness. When he dies she is quite literally divested of the thali (and other symbols of marriage) and thereby loses all rights and benefits accorded to married women. In order to avoid this problem of going about with a bare neck, many widows have taken to wearing black cords around their necks. This is also the case for women whose husbands have gone bad. These gutsy women decide, "I don't need this husband!" and throw their thali away, putting on a black thread.* **

So the cries of the grandmas for me to just "PLEASE get a chain" were actually pleas for me to stop showing myself without gold and potentially disrupting people's lives. Now when I think about how I have gone to weddings here without a chain I shudder! "Your neck is WEIRD without a chain!" "Your neck is NOT GOOD without a chain!" "You need decoration!" "Just don't fuss about it and buy yourself some earrings!" -- these statements keep ringing in my head. Because to see a woman without a chain is "bad" as Chellapandi put it. It's quite nothing like the States where women go to the Oscars, Emmys, etc. in designer gowns but NO NECKLACE. I tried to explain to Tamilarasi that people in the U.S. sometimes think too much jewelry takes away from the outfit. She of course found this funny, especially as she looked at the photographic evidence in American magazines, rather perplexed by the conspicuous lack of chains on the part of the super-rich.

I am glad that I have been duly informed that my going without gold was putting society at risk. Thankfully I now have a chain! But unfortunately it isn't quite enough as I have been advised by several women to "please just go and at least buy a daalar (gold pendant) and put it on the chain." This is because my chain is short ("only" 10.5 grams, or slightly more than one pavun (8 grams) and one can see that nothing is hanging on it. So now I have become neurotic that my chain is too short and that I don't have a daalar!!! Not sure it is possible to win at this gold game.

A gold daalar can apparently mitigate
the tragedy that is a short chain.

*This is certainly a brave move in a place where many feel that it is better to be married to a murderer than to no man at all. And I do not say this the least bit sarchastically because it is absolutely true. Many women have told me that it doesn't matter what their husbands do, they will remain loyal to him and continue to be married to him. People believe very strongly in the idea that in life (for women) there is only one marriage between one man and one woman. Therefore divorce, remarriage, or widow remarriage is a foreign concept (quite literally). Of course this is the case only for women, as widowers are expected to remarry (if they are the right age) and occasionally men do take more than one wife at at time (though this isn't exactly considered ideal). The current Chief Minister is himself married to three women. And of course a man can have many girlfriends as well. Though this is considered a bad thing to do, it is almost never considered grounds for a woman to divorce her husband.

** As a side note I don't want to leave the impression that the women in my neighborhood are all chaste victims while the men run off with whomever they please. Plenty of women around here have boyfriends on the side, and apparently their abundant gold jewelry testifies to this (according to the neighbors). And just recently a local young man came crying to my friend asking for her advice because his wife just ran off with a married man and abandoned him and their three children. When he went to the railway station to plead with her to come back, at least for the sake of the children, she said she didn't care about him or the children and the train pulled away like some sort of terribly sad movie. The major difference between the women and men that I have observed is not so much their behavior as the consequences to their behavior. And I must say that living in upper-middle class neighborhoods here had (quite mistakenly) led me to believe that Jerry Springer soap-opera type stories are confined to the United States, while everyone here is living in complete domestic harmony and bliss. Of course I am sure there are soap operas to be found in the upper class neighborhoods as well, though in those areas people seem more preoccupied with hiding them.