cake miracle

Those of you who have been to India before might be familiar with the shortage of good cake here. The cakes here leave something to be desired. Lately I've been having this insatiable cake craving that I have tried to suffice by tasting cakes at several different locations in Madurai only to be disappointed. The one place we had great cake was at this random fancy hotel in Kottayam over in Kerala. But since then I haven't happened on any decent cake UNTIL NOW.

Behold the Pillsbury EGGLESS COOKER CAKE MIX!! Best thing about this cake mix, besides the fact that no chicken slime is required, is that NO OVEN IS REQUIRED! AMAZING! Because those of you familiar with the cooking situation over here also know that ovens are few and far between.

Last night Chellapandi and I decided to try this out. I must say, I had my doubts. How could this possibly work? In a PRESSURE COOKER? We mixed the batter and put it in a metal rice container and then sat that down in a couple of inches of boiling water inside the pressure cooker. Then we applied the pressure cooker lid, without the whistle (key, apparently, to preventing a cake explosion). There were some initial problems with water bubbling up into the cake, but Chellapandi resolved that. For a while we would look in there and it just looked like brown lava inside the pan, but slowly and surely it started to turn into CAKE!!! As the cake pan bobbed up and down in the boiling water, shaking the pressure cooker up and down, sure enough a chemical reaction happened resulting in CAKE. Last night I devoured half of it and I must say it was great. Not quite sweet enough, but it's homemade cake made in a pressure cooker and it's amazing. Whoever came up with this at Pillsbury is a genius.

Pillsbury has made homemade cake possible
for Brahmins without ovens.

"PILLSBURY has launched Eggless Cooker Cake Mix. It is available in chocolate and vanilla flavours and is priced at Rs 35 for a 175 gm pack, and reportedly makes a 250 gm cake. All the ingredients are supposed to be pre-mixed. The user only has to add milk and oil and steam it for 30-35 minutes."

punching big holes in your ears is painful.

lack of gold as a menace to society

Just when I thought that people were disapproving of my erstwhile lack of gold jewelry simply because it was aestheticially displeasing to eyes that have been trained to value bling above all else, I learn that my refusal to wear gold jewelry was actually a highly selfish act bound to throw all of society into chaos. Just as seeing a widow or barren woman is considered to be highly inauspicious (especially first thing in the morning), seeing a poor woman (Read: woman lacking in gold jewelry) is bad luck and has the potential to disrupt your life and spoil your prosperity.

A sumangali (married woman) is a highly auspicious sight, and her participation in functions and religious events is highly beneficial. Certain pujas which are performed for financial prosperity require the presence of a certain number of married women. The number one sign of a married woman in the thali, or marriage chain, which for most people here is simply a cotton cord smeared in turmeric (manjal kayiru). A woman who is not married does not have any manjal kayiru around her neck. If she has means, she will wear a gold chain in order to avoid going around with a bare neck which is considered not only pathetic but a highly inauspicious sight for others. This is particularly the case for widows who are of course the most inauspicious of all. It is the husband's very presence (signified by the thali) that affords the woman auspiciousness. When he dies she is quite literally divested of the thali (and other symbols of marriage) and thereby loses all rights and benefits accorded to married women. In order to avoid this problem of going about with a bare neck, many widows have taken to wearing black cords around their necks. This is also the case for women whose husbands have gone bad. These gutsy women decide, "I don't need this husband!" and throw their thali away, putting on a black thread.* **

So the cries of the grandmas for me to just "PLEASE get a chain" were actually pleas for me to stop showing myself without gold and potentially disrupting people's lives. Now when I think about how I have gone to weddings here without a chain I shudder! "Your neck is WEIRD without a chain!" "Your neck is NOT GOOD without a chain!" "You need decoration!" "Just don't fuss about it and buy yourself some earrings!" -- these statements keep ringing in my head. Because to see a woman without a chain is "bad" as Chellapandi put it. It's quite nothing like the States where women go to the Oscars, Emmys, etc. in designer gowns but NO NECKLACE. I tried to explain to Tamilarasi that people in the U.S. sometimes think too much jewelry takes away from the outfit. She of course found this funny, especially as she looked at the photographic evidence in American magazines, rather perplexed by the conspicuous lack of chains on the part of the super-rich.

I am glad that I have been duly informed that my going without gold was putting society at risk. Thankfully I now have a chain! But unfortunately it isn't quite enough as I have been advised by several women to "please just go and at least buy a daalar (gold pendant) and put it on the chain." This is because my chain is short ("only" 10.5 grams, or slightly more than one pavun (8 grams) and one can see that nothing is hanging on it. So now I have become neurotic that my chain is too short and that I don't have a daalar!!! Not sure it is possible to win at this gold game.

A gold daalar can apparently mitigate
the tragedy that is a short chain.

*This is certainly a brave move in a place where many feel that it is better to be married to a murderer than to no man at all. And I do not say this the least bit sarchastically because it is absolutely true. Many women have told me that it doesn't matter what their husbands do, they will remain loyal to him and continue to be married to him. People believe very strongly in the idea that in life (for women) there is only one marriage between one man and one woman. Therefore divorce, remarriage, or widow remarriage is a foreign concept (quite literally). Of course this is the case only for women, as widowers are expected to remarry (if they are the right age) and occasionally men do take more than one wife at at time (though this isn't exactly considered ideal). The current Chief Minister is himself married to three women. And of course a man can have many girlfriends as well. Though this is considered a bad thing to do, it is almost never considered grounds for a woman to divorce her husband.

** As a side note I don't want to leave the impression that the women in my neighborhood are all chaste victims while the men run off with whomever they please. Plenty of women around here have boyfriends on the side, and apparently their abundant gold jewelry testifies to this (according to the neighbors). And just recently a local young man came crying to my friend asking for her advice because his wife just ran off with a married man and abandoned him and their three children. When he went to the railway station to plead with her to come back, at least for the sake of the children, she said she didn't care about him or the children and the train pulled away like some sort of terribly sad movie. The major difference between the women and men that I have observed is not so much their behavior as the consequences to their behavior. And I must say that living in upper-middle class neighborhoods here had (quite mistakenly) led me to believe that Jerry Springer soap-opera type stories are confined to the United States, while everyone here is living in complete domestic harmony and bliss. Of course I am sure there are soap operas to be found in the upper class neighborhoods as well, though in those areas people seem more preoccupied with hiding them.

Happy Birthday to Ganesh!

Today is Vinayagar Chaturthi, the day that Lord Ganesha (a.k.a. Vinayagar [in Tamil], Pillaiyar [also Tamil], Ganapati, etc.), son of Shiva and Parvati, bestows his blessings on devotees. It is also apparently his birthday. And who doesn't love Ganesh? He has an elephant head after all. On the first day of Ganesh Chaturthi people either buy Ganesh statues made out of clay, or themselves make them from clay, and worship them before submerging them in water the next day and letting them melt back into the sea, river, etc. This re-enacts Ganesh's birth in which his mother Parvati actually made him from clay and breathed life into him. Because Parvati made Ganesh all on her own, Shiva actually didn't even know who Ganesh was the first time he set eyes on him and he ended up chopping his head off. Then, depending on which version of the story you read, he realized his folly in killing his wife's son and agreed to take the head of the first being he saw to replace Ganesh's. An elephant walked past, and there you have it.

Vinayagar Chaturthi is really a quite enjoyable holiday, and begins with loudspeakers blaring films songs at 5:30 AM to get the jolly mood started off just right. Fortunately for me, the loudspeakers are situated about 10 feet from my front door, right near the small Vinayagar temple next to the medical stall. With each beat of the bass, the lights in my house go dim and the ceiling fans slow. The vibrations of the cement walls afforded by the latest Tamil cinema hits being blared at ear-splitting volumes really got me into a meditative frame of mind this morning.

Once Chellapandi arrived she expressed a bit of frustration at the decibel level, and the fact that one simply cannot even speak to another person and be heard. I think this mirrors the sentiments of just about everyone else around here, perhaps even the DJs themselves, but as I have mentioned before people seem to look at it as a necessary evil. Everyone seems to hate it, but no one will rush up to the speakers and turn them off or, better yet, smash them. Chellapandi explained that the month of Avani (the current Tamil lunar month) is a very auspicious month in which everyone should be happy and should necessarily rise very early, smiling all the while. Apparently the loudspeakers are designed to help members of the community reach this beatific state.

I rather feel like Miss Havisham or Mr. Scrouge when I pray to the gods for a power cut during these community loudspeaker binges. But today I got my prayers answered when the music miraculously cut off around 10AM due to a sudden power cut. Perhaps they actually blew out an entire transformer, the way they are sucking power from all the houses to run these speakers. Needless to say, the only time I get excited about a power cut is during a holiday, as one certainly doesn't want to do without a fan when it's 100F. Suddenly Meeambalpuram was plunged into silence. Well, not really because you've still got horns blaring non-stop, and drums and firecrackers up the road, etc. etc. But as a community we managed to have a very nice puja right there in front of the little Ganesh temple because our ears weren't bleeding as we prayed. It was really quite nice, and not just because the speakers were dead for a few blessed hours. It was nice to get to take part in this with the neighbors. I was especially interested to see that the young priest officiating the puja has "VIJAY" tattooed across his forearm. Turns out he is a big Vijay fan.

After the puja I made my way downtown for the day. It was such a tiring day, and as a result I am going to bed at 9:15PM. Fortunately the current came back on, as did the speakers. So I will be rocked to sleep tonight by the film songs. Earlier I had to cook dinner by candlelight because all the power is being sapped by the speakers and as a result the tube light in the kitchen doesn't function.


Kan Drishti Ganapati : This relatively new-fangled representation of Ganesh is a favorite for warding the evil eye off of homes and businesses. Note the accentuated eyes.

Pillaiyarpatti Ganesh: This Ganesh is famous for having only two arms. Apparently the only other two-armed Ganesh (besides this one in Tamil Nadu) can be found in Afghanistan!

yellow fever (except it's me this time)

Hello everyone. After a completely inexcusable delay I am finally blogging again. I was actually quite flattered that a few people were angry at me for not blogging. I was also happy to see some comments on here from folks.

I hope that you haven't given up on the Vellaikkaari blog just yet, because there are still quite a few more months to go before I earn shore leave. And I think that blogging about Madurai is going to be the pick-me-up I need right now as I appear to have hit a bit of a slump.

There are lots of things to tell. Especially some ghost stories! But I will save those for later. My internet connection has been on the blink for two months, which is part of the reason for my radio silence. Also, my boyfriend was visiting India for one month and we were doing a lot of traveling. We spent one week in the lovely Meenambalpuram at which time I introduced him variously as "my friend" "my classmate" (and his personal favorite) "my father's brother's youngest son" or "chittappaa paiyan." I think no one bought these lies whatsoever, but then again no one seemed to care and people seemed to enjoy playing along that the emperor has no clothes. Yet again I was reminded that people in Madurai are much more open-minded that I have been led to believe, especially where foreigners are concerned. I was so completely neurotic about people thinking I am a "bad girl" for having him here, that I began to assume the neighbors were disapproving of me when actually it was just that they had a migraine. In fact, people who have never spoken to me before began to make conversation because of Luke! Namely, the men across the street. Again I need to remember that my actions, or misdeeds, are not at the front of folks' minds. Of course, they would be if I were a 28-year-old unmarried INDIAN woman, but I'm an American and I get away with (some) stuff.

Luke bought me some gold while he was here, because even after a short time he came to realize its importance. Importance actually isn't even the right word; think something much stronger, like AKIN TO GOD. I think the moment of realization was when we were in the market in Pondicherry and I was wearing a sari and no chain. The older ladies there were making fun of me (ruthlessly) because I didn't have on a chain. I couldn't resist jumping in and telling them I understood what they were saying, to which they basically responded, "Well, okay then. Understand us and get yourself a CHAIN!" and "Your neck looks WEIRD (without a chain)" ETC ETC. I was mad as a hornet after that, because at that time I (thought I) hated gold. But of course once we got to Madurai some gold purchases were made and I changed my tune real quick. However, I had to wait until a week after Luke left to unveil the earrings, and I still haven't unveiled the chain. You see, this is because I don't want to be confused with a prostitute. Allow me to do the math for you: man appearing on the scene (not husband) + sudden and inexplicable input of gold jewelry = "prostitute." This is the formula in Meenambalpuram. I've been told it many times and I didn't believe until I saw it for myself. It's repeated here kind of like a mantra. So I've got to be careful how I deploy this gold. So far the earrings have been a big hit and no one has done any dubious math quite yet. We will see what happens when the gold chain comes out. I'm going to a wedding on Friday and I might just make a splash because there is no way I am wearing a sari again without a chain.

In the meantime, I hope y'all keep reading this blog and I promise more updates!

In TN there is no such thing as too much bling.

just your average Sunday afternoon

Sorry I haven't posted in some days. There wasn't very much in the way of excitement this past week, until yesterday that is! But before I get into that, let me report that I found out that karikkoddai is actually charcoal. Americans are slow like charcoal, which requires vast amounts of petrol, time, and attention to sufficiently catch on fire. But like I always say, better charcoal than the banana tree log which doesn't burn at all.

Yesterday morning some "rowdies" from the area showed up and started arguing with the neighbors in front of my house because the wife's younger brother had bought a plot of land abutting theirs (which they are anyways illegally occupying) and had built a wall on it which apparently was occupying some of their land (again, not their land in the first place). There was a lot of yelling but eventually they left and things were calm for several hours. Then around 5pm a fracas ensued, when they came back with more people ready to fight. I of course couldn't understand a single word of any of this. There are two kinds of speech I have a hard time understanding here: 1) shy children talking and 2) people fighting. The former mostly because I am half deaf and the latter because I don't know many bad words and cannot understand Tamil when people are screaming.

Actually I did understand a few words when the husband was lunging down the stairs of his house trying to beat the tar out of one of the rowdies, which was basically "BRING IT!" By the time the rowdies had left he was huffing and puffing on the front porch, yelling something about "RESPECT!!!" At the height of the conflict his son had run into the house and got a club (and thankfully not an arivaal -- machete) and came storming out, ready to do some damage.
The husband had rolled up his veshti and was ready as well, but the women were in the middle holding the men back. Turns out they were fighting with the guy who is my regular rickshaw driver, but I couldn't see him as I was peering out the window trying to get a glimpse of the melee. I simply couldn't imagine him fighting, as he is totally calm and quiet at all times, but according to sources he is like a cobra which goes along calmly one minute and strikes the next.

Today I learned that it all started when these rowdies, whom everyone is afraid of, came over here in the morning and started harassing the wife when her husband was not home. This got him pretty outraged, that and when they came back and went up to his door and ordered, "HEY, EJACULATE!!! GET OUT HERE." Turns out calling a man "ejaculate" isn't a very nice thing and is a good way to start a fight. Of course I didn't know this word and got Tamilarasi to tell me all the bad words that were exchanged yesterday, but they were so bad she couldn't bring herself to speak them and wrote them down instead. She was also nearly dying of embarassment and laughing hysterically, but I was of course pretty excited to learn some bad words as these are things one certainly won't get in the classroom. Apparently they were also screaming things like "I am going to rape your mother, sister, grandmother, etc." These things weren't so funny of course.

Once the police showed up, the rowdies got on their motorcycles and went home. Not sure what the next phase is going to be. The neighbors put a police complaint against them which was pretty brave considering most people here avoid the police at all costs, and certainly don't put complaints against confirmed rowdies. After the rowdies dispersed, I considered it safe to leave and I went to a big kan kadchi (literally "show for the eyes" or "exhibition") at Tamukkam. Turns out it was a good thing I left when I did, because there was a huge brawl directly BEHIND my house last night while I was away. Basically I won't get into the details in this forum, but someone was demanding to be able to pitch a tent on my roof so his family could live there. This person has clearly lost his mind.

Some of the highlights of this past week included getting my fridge repaired and getting darshan of Nasser, a big Tamil movie star! They were doing a cinema shooting at the Gandhi museum. Unfortunately I had missed the shooting the day before when Nasser had acted out a heart attack scene with some comedians, including Vivek!

Unfortunately all my Nasser pics turned out blurry, but here he is with a group of schoolkids.

Tamilarasi channeling a distinctly Rajasthani way of wearing a sari.

dumber than a banana tree log

Today I learned that there are four types of intelligence:

1) Phosphorus: This material apparently lights on fire very easily; if the wind blows and there is a fire nearby, then phosphorus will easily go up in flames. Thus a “phosphorus” type person is very sharp.

2) Camphor: This substance will light on fire easily, but only if you put a match right up to it. This person is smart, given the right spark, but not as quick as phosphorus.

3) Karikkoddai (translation to follow): This item is very difficult to burn, and requires a lot of fanning and a lot of effort to get a good flame. This type is person is obviously considered dumb and slow.

4) Banana tree log: This type of wood simply will not burn. A banana tree log person is considered to be an idiot and a fool.

I was prompted to inquire about this intelligence scale after reading an article in the weekly magazine put out by the Dinamalar Tamil daily. The article was about a young Tamil software engineer, Rahul, and his experiences working in the United States. When he went home to India, his family and friends had a lot of questions about life in the states. Here's an excerpt:

“What is this, Rahul? Computer software engineers from our country are going to the United States by the boatloads. Americans aren't as smart as us, are they?” asks Rahul’s uncle.

“That’s true, uncle. If you grill one of our people four times about a particular issue, it’s enough. He’s like camphor. But if you tell an American this same thing even forty times it won’t penetrate their brain. Therefore, even if a boy from our country who is just an average student goes to America, he’ll be making sense of things in no time," replied Rahul.

I found this story pretty funny and consulted Tamilarasi to get to the bottom of it. She detailed the four types of intelligence for me, and you might be happy to hear that Americans don’t fall under the category of banana tree logs, but we are considered in the category of karikkoddai which is either a piece of shishkabob meat, the bark/seed from the curry leaf bush, or the firewood used when roasting meat, depending on the translation! I need to check with Tamilarasi to figure out what exactly she meant. So Americans aren’t absolute idiots, but we are dumb and slow. I’ll get back to you tomorrow with our final verdict. It's not looking good, though, because from the looks of my notes I’m pretty sure we are going to end up being a piece of damp firewood.

What do U think?

Which one R U?